ONE COLUMN A WEEK FROM NOW ON. WEDNESDAYS ONLY
Texas might secede, and it would be great if it all came to pass, but in the mean time, there’s the “cliff” we can all fall off of, which I think would be great. Huge cuts in everything, and some tax increases, but a balanced budget would be excellent. However, I have a way of balancing the budget, as do a lot of Libertarians, and it is just cutting spending on junk. Try this on for size: We cut the Administration for Children and Families – $539,856,309,000. We cut the Dept of Education, which educates no one, and costs $224,517,682,000 each year. We cut the Federal Council on the Arts and Humanities.- $399,721,000 a year. We cut the National Credit Union Administration, which costs $267,000,000 a year. let them take care of themselves. We cut the Small Business Administration, which helps virtually no one, and costs $17,685,013,000 a year. We cut all Federal Aid to the States, which costs $310,000,000,000 a year. They can do fine by themselves!. We cut out all foreign aid, which costs $23,530,000,000 a year. Presto, without even cutting the fraud and waste in most bureaucracies, raising taxes, or cutting off the handouts to the worthless, we have balanced the budget and have a surplus. It’s won’t happen, so I propose a divorce. This was sent to me by a client. I’ve changed it a bit, but thanks Jack.
DIVORCE
Dear American liberals, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters: We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, for the sake of the kids, but this latest election has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know, we tolerated each other for many years, but for the sake of future generations, this relationship has run its course, and must end. Our two ideological sides cannot, and will never agree on what’s right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms, and go our own way. Here is a separation agreement:
1. Our two groups can divide up the nation by political preferences, and the details can be ironed out, but you can have the west cost, and the Northeast. We’ll take the rest, which can be defined as “Red.” There will be a lot of moving and re-shuffling, but it could work out O.K.
2. We don’t like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.
3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
4. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.
5. We’ll take the nasty, smelly, oil industry, and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.
6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell. You are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
7. We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Walmart, and Wall Street.
8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.
9. We’ll keep the hockey and soccer moms, greedy CEO’s and Rednecks.
10. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you Hollywood and NBC.
11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine, and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When out allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll provide security,
13. We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, Political correctness, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the United Nations, and you pay the bill for it.
15. We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
16. You can give everyone health care, if you can find any practicing doctors.
17. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury, and not a right.
18. We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” and the “National Anthem.”
19. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine, “I’d Like To Teach the World to Sing,” “Kum By Ya,” or “We Are he World.”
20. We’ll practice trickledown economics, and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
21. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name, our Constitution, and our flag.
22. Would you agree to this? If so, pass it along to other like minded persons, and if you do not agree, simply delete it. Guess which one of us will need help in a few years?
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with you. And you won’t have to “Press 1 for English” when you call our part of the country.